Emergency services in 48 states are reporting what officials are diplomatically calling ‘an unprecedented domestic lockout crisis,’ with the average American man reportedly getting locked out 2.7 times per day since the video went viral. One city’s locksmith dispatch recorded a single caller who, and we quote, ‘accidentally locked himself out while already inside the house,’ which is physically impossible but somehow legally billable. Insurance companies are quietly adding ‘suspiciously convenient lockout coverage’ to their premium plans as we speak.