Vivienne Cross, 29, was hired six months ago as head librarian after the previous one retired — and she wasted absolutely no time making the role her own. Her first order of business was scrapping the traditional flat-rate overdue fine and replacing it with what she calls a ‘personalized incentive program.’ The details of said program, shared exclusively with TopBanger, are exactly as wild as you’re imagining.

Instead of cold cash, Ms. Cross collects fines in the form of conversation, tasks around the library, and — according to multiple red-faced sources — a single slow, deliberate smile that one regular described as ‘basically illegal.’ The city comptroller has reportedly asked for a formal audit of the fine collection process, which Vivienne has welcomed with, and we quote, ‘complete transparency.’