The Library That Suddenly Has a 400% Increase in Return Visits
Vivienne Cross, 29, was hired six months ago as head librarian after the previous one retired — and she wasted absolutely no time making the role her own. Her first order of business was scrapping the traditional flat-rate overdue fine and replacing it with what she calls a ‘personalized incentive program.’ The details of said program, shared exclusively with TopBanger, are exactly as wild as you’re imagining.
Instead of cold cash, Ms. Cross collects fines in the form of conversation, tasks around the library, and — according to multiple red-faced sources — a single slow, deliberate smile that one regular described as ‘basically illegal.’ The city comptroller has reportedly asked for a formal audit of the fine collection process, which Vivienne has welcomed with, and we quote, ‘complete transparency.’
The ‘Overdue Fine’ That Has Everyone Conveniently Forgetting Their Due Dates
Sources close to the situation — meaning every guy at Dave’s Sports Bar on Thursday night — confirm that the new fine system involves Ms. Cross personally reviewing your checkout history, leaning across the returns desk to inspect your library card, and making extended eye contact while she types your information with what one witness called ‘suspiciously slow keystrokes.’ Several men have admitted to deliberately keeping books past their due date just to experience the process firsthand.
One anonymous patron, a 34-year-old accountant who has checked out seventeen books in the past month despite reportedly ‘not being much of a reader,’ described the experience: ‘She leans over the counter, looks you dead in the eyes, and says she’ll need to discuss your account in detail. I genuinely forgot my own name for about four seconds.’ The library’s romance novel section has, inexplicably, never been more popular with male readers.
